5 classic Erma Bombeck quotes that helped make the Dayton writer a legend

Editor’s note: This feature first published on Feb. 21, 2017, in recognition of what would have been Erma Bombeck’s 90th birthday.


On what would have been Erma Bombeck’s 90th birthday, here are five quotes that give a glimpse into her thoughtful and humorous look at life.

» RELATED: Erma Bombeck: 5 things to know about the beloved humorist on her birthday

"Do you know what depression is? It's sitting in your doctor's examination room. In a paper dress. On a cold table. And it's the high spot of your week." (from "Dumpy Paper Dress--March 31, 1977," which appears in Forever Erma)

» PHOTOS: Erma Bombeck: Adding levity to life

The hard sell. "I wasn't behind the counter five minutes when I spotted a prospective customer heading toward the door. Using the old running tackle that brought victory to Notre Dame in 1935, I apprehended him. 'I don't believe you've seen our notions counter,' I said, jumping up and down on his chest. 'Of course, it's merely a suggestion.' His eyeballs fairly popped as I choked him with a roll of seam binding. 'Naturally if you're not interested, we never force a sale.' " (from a 1947 newspaper column on her first experience as a sales clerk in the notions department) 

Worrywart. "I worry about getting into the Guinness World Book of Records under "Pregnancy: Oldest Recorded Birth." I worry what the dog thinks when he sees me coming out of the shower…" (from "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?") 

MORE ANNIVERSARIES

» MIAMI UNIVERSITY: What to know about 208 years

» TROTWOOD: Named for Dickens character?

» BELLBROOK: Almost ‘Opdykeville,’ and 4 more facts

» HUBER HEIGHTS: How it became a city

» BEAVERCREEK: Its history since 1803

» Wright-Patt: Formed in 1948 from key areas of flight history

» LEBANON: 5 things to know about its long history

» NEWS IN YOUR INBOX: Sign up for our email newsletters on the topics you love

Off to a rough start. "Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world. It's one of those awkward times when you know everyone else had a better time than you did but you're too proud to admit it." (from "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?") 

Family life:  "We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." (from "Family- The Ties that Bind…And Gag!)

» EXCLUSIVE CONTENT: Download our apps for real-time alerts on the news you care about 

About the Author