My Friends.
I’m under attack by unpatriotic left-wing socialists criticizing me for linking to and rightfully praising a report noting the government can manipulate the weather and send hurricanes where it wants. The corrupt administration of Joe Biden and Storm-ala Harris has directed these illegal deadly storms to Republican strongholds instead of the crime-ridden Democrat-controlled cities where they belong.
I will not be silent, so I’m making my devoted voters aware of other conspiracies that all true patriots must understand.
Vaccinations of any kind are nothing but the government’s attempt to inject you with nanoprobes to monitor your location. Talk about an invasion of privacy. I, for one, don’t want the White House — which we must fight to protect so it doesn’t become the Blasian House — knowing where I am. I only want my lit peeps to find me (I have no idea what a “lit peep” is, but I’m assured it’s youngster hip, like the “bee’s knees.”)
But even if you don’t get vaccinated, you’re not safe. The government has secretly contracted with security companies to gain access to your homes while you sleep and inoculate you with these vile immunizations. It happened to me. I woke up one morning, and I said to myself, “I feel — healthy.” I had to get treatment at a special chamber that rid my body of the foreign substances injected into me against my will. I know my body is now truly clean because they told me so. I’m free to spread disease as I please, which is my right as an American.
Please follow my lead and wear a specially designed helmet made with kryptonite (It exists, Kal-El told me so at dinner the other night before he inexplicably ran off looking for a phone booth.) The government is using a silent neuron wave to help encourage inter-party marriages and poison pure conservative blood. Me, I’d rather disable my left arm than use it since lefties are not true Americans, thank you very much.
There’s another reason to wear these helmets (available for just three easy payments of $29.99). Do you know about the transgender mind control experts forcing society, against its will, to use all-gender bathrooms? It’s true. I read it on Truth Social.
That’s as scary as getting up in the middle of the night with a weird appreciation for Obama and wishing for President Michelle. Ewwwwwwww!
Also, please be careful about what you eat. The government has quietly infiltrated the food supply chain with burgers made of cats and dogs. Eating one will turn you into a Haitian immigrant. The military also has a secret army of illegal immigrant zombies ready to eat conservatives, which makes sense since we’re sweet and supple, as real Americans are. I hear there’s a secret underground bunker full of these zombies in Cincinnati, Dayton, and Columbus, all Democrat strongholds. They won’t eat other liberals because all of their whining about Trump makes them unappetizing.
And then there are the coverups. We already know that deep state shadow cabal controls Joe Biden, who needs naps more than toast needs butter. Now comes the biggest coverup of all, which shows Blah-bala shouldn’t be let anywhere near the White House. She’s suffered a potential career-ending injury after she badly hurt her brain while trying to do a serious interview. Didn’t you see the smoke coming out of her ears when asked her favorite ice cream, which was the hardest question she got from anyone? If she starts drooling like her boss, you know the jig is up.
All of these conspiracies and hidden truths are meant to deprive us of what is truly ours — everything.
Don’t fall for it. You now know the truth.
Oh, and get a raincoat. Storms might hover over West Chester after this.
Ray Marcano’s column appears on these pages each Sunday.
About the Author