My heart hurts. My brain has broken again. Losing another brother, KAA, sears my soul. Why weren’t we there for you? Though we emailed several times, we lost touch. Too often, life gets in the way; or at least that’s what we tell ourselves. We were once a tribe, but we have all fallen off and scattered far into distant winds. We cannot continue to excuse this, for we should be bonded by the horrific tragedy that befell us nearly 15 years ago. It will also seem to be 15 seconds ago, for the damage to the psyche committed by a madman known to all, long before he opened fire, repeats like a bad meal. You, Logan, were a hero that day, sustaining three traumatic injuries as you rushed the shooter to protect the lives of those innocents in your midst. Only a person of unequaled courage would carry out such an act. The devastation, the ultimate betrayal caused by those who knew full well what was about to unfold, has cost yet another life. This massacre continues to kill too many wounded souls, those who carry the terrible burdens of what they have witnessed and that has tortured the very depths of their humanity.
Credit: Larry Kolvoord AMERICAN-STATESMAN
Credit: Larry Kolvoord AMERICAN-STATESMAN
Maybe your cries went unheard. There seems little doubt that you derailed, maybe he even fell far off the tracks. Maybe it was the clutches of addiction and your inability to let go of what had you in its terrible grip. Nevertheless, I blame myself in part. We broke that solemn covenant never to leave a fallen warrior behind. We became aimless after so devastating a tragedy. We lost each other and lost our way. The cost was paid in your young life. The injustices of November 5, 2009 continue to amass.
There is no surprise that those who were wounded and those of us who survived have never found the right place, the right ground upon which to place our feet. There is no safe place and none in which other civilians will ever understand the depths of our anguish and agony. The battlefield of Fort Hood is seared in our brains and is never going anywhere….ever. Once our clan of battle-tested soldiers ceased to exist, the firm foundation upon which our shaky lives rested crumbled. What happened wired us differently, left us in the alarm phase for time immemorial, and made our lives a private hell. Abandoning one another was the next form of anguish. None of us got out unscathed. There is no off switch for any of this. It is emblazoned on our minds. We cannot let the brotherhood-sisterhood die off any further. This is long past due time to strengthen our bonds for all our days to come. We didn’t protect or rally around Logan when he most needed us. It is terrifying to come to the point where we can no longer count on one another. This has cost us our souls and our very lives. Logan deserved better.
“Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing. Not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we’re going to survive with dignity.” - Audrey Hepburn
Rest in peace, my brother.
Dr. Kathy Platoni, Psy.D., DAAPM, FAIS, COL (RET), US Army, is a clinical psychologist.
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