Geese weren’t always a consideration in how long it took me to get to work. When we first moved to our current residence, the major factors were rain, snow and the number of idiots who somehow managed to get in front of me and then decided to see how slow their cars could go without actually stopping. But then our neighborhood became befowled with geese and ducks, apparently attracted by the two ponds in the area.
The ducks never have been a problem, though. Ducks mind their own business and they’re cute when they waddle.
Geese don’t waddle. They strut. With attitude. And they don’t strut briskly, like a marching band. They strut slooowly, like people with bunions and tight shoes.
But it’s not the way they walk that causes problems. It’s where they walk. Because one of their favorite places to strut is in the middle of the street perpendicular to our driveway.
The other day, for instance, I pull out of our driveway and find myself confronted by a gaggle of geese in the middle of the road slooowly strutting from the curb on my right to the curb on my left. So I stop to let them pass. When the first goose reaches the curb on my left, he stops. This causes the geese behind him also to stop, creating a fowl line that stretches from curb to curb.
Eventually the lead goose decides that there is nothing of interest beyond the curb on my left, so he turns around and heads back toward the curb on my right. The gaggle follows him.
When it becomes obvious that they have no idea where they want to go and are in no hurry to get there, I toot my horn. The geese ignore me, except for one who gives me his opinion of my tooting with a brief hiss. The reason he hisses is because geese do not have fingers.
I’m not tempted to get out of the car and shoo them out of the street, though. Geese are mean birds. If they even suspect you of making a move toward them, they’ll give you that “make my day” stare with their beady little eyes and start hissing.
Even our yappy little dog, who will yap at just about anything that moves — including, but not limited to, other dogs, people, cars and pieces of paper blowing in the wind — keeps his mouth shut when there are geese around.
So all I can do is sit there until the goose gang tires of strutting around in the middle of the road and decides to go make some more deposits on the sidewalk. By that time, I have wasted several gallons of gas and I am late to work. Which, for the rest of the day, puts me in what only can be described as a fowl mood.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com
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