“When I got him, the day after church, I knew it was me and him forever,” Anderson said. “It was a love like I’ve never known. It was instant and it was the deepest thing that I’ve ever felt to this day.”
Because of his background, Anderson was able to get Amir additional resources like Head Start at six months old. It was those teachers who first flagged Amir’s developmental delays which Anderson said she didn’t spot, since Amir is her only child.
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“They started noticing in the group setting and I’m very thankful for it today,” she said. “Because if they hadn’t brought to my attention, I wouldn’t have been able to get him early interventions.”
Anderson got additional support and therapists for Amir and it seemed like everything was smooth sailing for them for a while.
Until Amir went to full-day kindergarten. At his private school, which Anderson picked because she thought it had better resources for kids like him, Amir kept running away from his teachers and acting up in class. He got kicked out of school after only a few months, which Anderson said was devastating to them both.
“I think this is important because schools and parents and other people in the community have to understand that these children need help and resources, and not punishment,” Anderson said.
She said the school helped them get Amir into another school and paid for childcare in the time between switching schools.
Amir eventually got a diagnosis for autism, more developmental delays, an episodic mood disorder and an attachment disorder, Anderson said.
But the process to get the autism diagnosis was difficult. Dayton Children’s prioritizes kids under four for autism spectrum disorder, said Mary Beth DeWitt, chief of the division of child psychology for Dayton Children’s Hospital.
“Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder seen in early childhood, so we try to focus on the little kids,” DeWitt said.
In this kind of scenario, Dayton Children’s can see kids over the age of four, but because wait times are so extended, they may not see older children as readily, she said. Amir was 5 years old when this was occurring.
Nationwide Children’s in Columbus and Cincinnati Children’s wouldn’t see Amir either, Anderson said, due to the demand from the Dayton area.
She was able to get a diagnosis through a private practice, but it took a year to get there.
“I feel that in an area as big as Dayton, no one should have to wait a year for an appointment to get to the root of what’s going on with your child so you can help them,” Anderson said. “I’ll tell you, it was difficult for me. I cried. I didn’t know what to do.”
She said during this time, Amir would talk badly about himself. One thing that did help during this time was asking Amir what he liked about himself, and naming things she liked about him.
“You want to cry for your kid,” she said. “You just want to hold them and make it all better and you know, make it all go away, but you can’t.”
Amir is now 7 years old, attending a school for students with autism and developmental disabilities in West Carrollton. He loves football and has made many friends on his peewee team.
“He is the friendliest kid,” Anderson said of her son. “I think I’ve never met anyone so caring. He really wants to make sure his friends are OK.”
Anderson has begun advocating at the national and state level for more resources and care for parents like her. She says it seems like there is little funding for children’s mental health and even when there is, it’s difficult to navigate.
It’s also hard for many parents to see their children struggle, she said.
“I see parents struggle and not want to get the diagnosis,” she said. “I see parents who don’t want to even call for autism testing, because they’re scared of what it’s going to show... When really, it’s just about your child. It’s just about making them the best person possible.”
For those who are going through the same situation she did, she encourages people to keep going.
“Keep pushing, keep reaching, keep looking for your child,” Anderson said. “There is help out there. As a society and community in Ohio, we could do better, but there are things out there.”
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