I was skeptical. The description sounded like a lot of icebreakers, which I’ve always found torturous. And I never found the speakers who came in to talk about bullying or not doing drugs helpful in school.
But last week, I watched as the students worked through the program and ended up with teenagers who said they had discovered more about their classmates. Multiple studies have found connection is a key way to improve mental health.
“I thought it would be a waste of time, but it helped me see there were a lot of people who have dealt with the same things I have,” said Aiden, one of the students who participated. (Northmont asked me not to use full names of the freshman actively participating to protect confidentiality.)
Northmont splits the students up by last name, and about 100 students came into the gym each day, Tuesday through Friday, the week of Sept. 16. Northmont has done this activity since 2010 and brings in members of the Northmont community to proctor the groups. Juniors and seniors also help, with one per group.
“You have to layer in trust,” said district student assistance coordinator Sheree Coffman. “We have ways to create trust and we want them to open up.”
In the beginning, the kids played a game where they had to switch chairs if the person in the middle said something they identified with. “Stand up if you’ve eaten pizza!” “Stand up if you’ve got siblings!”
The teens got split up into groups and did an activity where they made a card, with the outside of it showing what they wanted other people to see and the inside showing some of their insecurities. Coffman told students she wants people to see her as a happy, friendly face who has her life together. But on the inside, she doubts she’s good enough at her job and worries about missing a student showing signs of suicide.
There were some other activities meant to get the students moving around and building some intimacy before the activity that a lot of students talk about: Walk the Line.
Everyone — including the teachers — lined up around the walls of the room. Coffman told the students to step forward if they identified with the statements she said.
She started with easier ones, like how many siblings they had, if they’re in a club or a sport, but added harder ones: Cross the line if you’re worried about getting into college, the military or a technical school. Cross the line if you’re worried about paying for that opportunity. Cross the line if you have lost someone suddenly, such as in a car accident. Cross the line if you’ve got a family member who is currently deployed. Cross the line if you feel you have a best friend. Cross the line if you feel you have an adult you can rely on.
At the beginning of the activity, the teenagers were still talking to each other, not really paying attention. But as it went on, the students got quieter, watching as their friends crossed the line to things like being worried about paying for food regularly and watching domestic violence in their home.
The students went back to their groups for another sharing activity, called “If you really knew me,” where the students were encouraged to share some of their hardest times and worries. And it worked — I walked around the room and listened to some of the worries the students and their mentors shared. I heard things like, “I don’t feel like enough,” and “I feel like I have to be perfect.”
Even though I’d heard about this day from both students and teachers at Northmont, I was still surprised to see it work as well as it did. I think it works because of the buildup of intimacy and the adults sharing their own hard times.
For example, Coffman told the students about moving around a lot as a kid and of having family members who are recovering addicts. Biology teacher Jody Henry told the students about her parents’ divorce and working to put herself through college, beginning her freshman year at 26.
With the mental health series that I and my coworker, Sam Wildow, are working on, it’s become increasingly clear to me that connection is how all of us, not just teenagers, feel better. Teens need to feel connected to their families, their school and the adults and the other kids in their lives.
Unity Day is a way for students to connect. It isn’t going to prevent all bullying or fights in a school, but it will build empathy.
“You guys are in charge of what the culture and the community is at Northmont,” student assistance coordinator Amanda Schroeder told the students.
JaBria Bickerstaff, a Northmont junior and one of the peer mentors for the day, said in her memory of doing the same activity, she was initially just happy to get out of class.
But as someone who came to Northmont in eighth grade, she said the day was a way to help build those connections. It helped her understand teasing was just not OK to some of the students.
“I know not to do certain things to certain people,” she said. “Some people have deeper thoughts inside that you just don’t know about.”
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