On what would have been Erma Bombeck’s 90th birthday, here are five quotes that give a glimpse into her thoughtful and humorous look at life.
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"Do you know what depression is? It's sitting in your doctor's examination room. In a paper dress. On a cold table. And it's the high spot of your week." (from "Dumpy Paper Dress--March 31, 1977," which appears in Forever Erma)
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The hard sell. "I wasn't behind the counter five minutes when I spotted a prospective customer heading toward the door. Using the old running tackle that brought victory to Notre Dame in 1935, I apprehended him. 'I don't believe you've seen our notions counter,' I said, jumping up and down on his chest. 'Of course, it's merely a suggestion.' His eyeballs fairly popped as I choked him with a roll of seam binding. 'Naturally if you're not interested, we never force a sale.' " (from a 1947 newspaper column on her first experience as a sales clerk in the notions department)
Worrywart. "I worry about getting into the Guinness World Book of Records under "Pregnancy: Oldest Recorded Birth." I worry what the dog thinks when he sees me coming out of the shower…" (from "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?")
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Off to a rough start. "Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world. It's one of those awkward times when you know everyone else had a better time than you did but you're too proud to admit it." (from "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?")
Family life: "We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." (from "Family- The Ties that Bind…And Gag!)
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