making the case JEFF KIRBY
The surest way to get me to do something is to tell me not to do it.
Save calories by cutting down on the cookies? You’re kidding, right? I’ll eat a whole pile of them. Don’t goof off until the housework is done? The world has never seen a person waste time better than me. I’m just like my little dog. I’ll take instruction when I feel like it.
I began this new year with a resolution to not judge people. This had to be resolved because, when left to my natural way of doing things, I can quickly cut someone down to size in almost no time.
Name a person, any person. My quick-witted lawyer brain will give you a label for them in nothing flat.
“He’s a weirdo.” “She’s a mess.” “Hey, that family might as well change their name to The Munsters. Is that their son or did they buy a pet porcupine?”
This sounds awful for me to say, isn’t it? And it is. I should be ashamed that I’m the only person on the planet who will ever make these kinds of judgments. You would never do any of this, would you?
So I made a vow to stop. And let’s just say, true to my character, I’ve continued to do it anyway. I figure I’ve broken that resolution about 1,126 times, and I stopped counting three weeks ago.
Judging people is so ugly, on so many levels.
First, I’m in no position to make a character judgment about someone.
I’m reminded of Paul Harvey’s newscasts years ago called, “The Rest of the Story.” Generally, when we make a snap judgment based on a birds eye view of someone, we disregard a mountain of other things that might shed a whole new light on that person.
Difficult people carry around enormous burdens from their childhood. Law-breaking people carry around an inner shame that sometimes craves negative attention if the alternative is no attention at all. Everyone has a story to tell. And while each of us has certain personality characteristics, it’s never fair to pigeonhole anyone into one particular type ... particularly if it’s negative.
Archie Bunker did that years ago on “All In The Family.”No matter what his son-in-law Michael did, he was always “a meathead.”
Second, I’m no better than they are. I may wear a suit and tie, and I might have a certain lifestyle, but in the end that doesn’t make me any better than a pauper on the street. No one died and made me boss.
A spiritual author put it this way: “Suppose the absolutely perfect life was the same as being able to jump to the moon. That would be a problem, because none of us could do it. With that as the standard, what good is it that I can jump 6 feet and this guy over here can only jump 2?”
I have no room to talk. Who am I to judge anyone?
And then there’s a final reason for me to stop this nonsense.
I feel a little creepy when I judge people. There’s just something deep inside me that knows I look foolish when I open my mouth like that. It’s wrong. My time is better spent lifting up someone’s spirit, either with a kind word or a word of encouragement.
They’re better for it. So am I.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “Great minds talk about ideas. Average minds talk about events. Small minds talk about people.”
Archie Bunker, meet Paul Harvey.
Jeff Kirby is a lawyer and writer who lives in Springboro. He can be reached at jeffkirby1@aol.com.